I heard a devastating story today. A girl got raped, she found out she's pregnant, and she's supposed to get married in a few months. I heard this and I felt a myriad of emotions overwhelm me, too many questions unasked- Did she tell anyone? Does her hubby know? Did she get help? Get tested? What to do with the baby? How is she feeling? Is she okay? At first I felt pity, and then anger. Behind my bright smile I carry a lot of anger within me, anger at the way our women are raised, anger at the men who get away with shit, anger at women who at their worst moments think only of how people will perceive them, angry at our mothers for not raising strong angry women.
She wants to get an abortion, her father is a pastor, it'll of course be devastating, what will his congregation say? Denola Grey once said "The church is the most judgmental place on earth" Trust me, by their standards, she's going to hell, and burn she will. There might be empathy, there might be pity, there might be a few tears but underneath it all, stigma. Our women are not angry enough! I have been there before honestly, not that I've ever been pregnant, but that's a story for another post. I only ask myself, why does she want an abortion? Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to get all biblical and say it's a sin, but deep within me, I know she shouldn't be alone. Not now, not with all of this.
We aren't angry enough! I came out of a rough experience and I went to God and we made a deal, protect me, and I'll be good, I promised to be good, I thought I'd be fine, I'd get over it but I later came to discover my life was never the same, something in me broke, and I have been angry since then, I changed my narrative, no longer was I Ezinne-eager,-to-please easy-to-date, complacent-in-relationships. I refused to be battered by life or by any living being, male or female, I was angry because our patriarchal society will shut the mouths of rape victims with scorn and stigma, I was angry that rape victims will not seek help even when there are so many organisations out there willing to help, for fear of identification, I am angry that the reason for abortion might be what-will-people-say. I cannot empathize even though I ahve come out of a slightly similar situation, regardless, I refused to let it beat me, I fought through the trauma, I fought through the PTSD, I rose above it all with a new will to succeed and be a successful woman who could conveniently decide tolive her life as she pleases without the shackles of our pretentious society.
I will raise angry daughters, who will tell Uncle Tope don't you dare touch me. I want to raise daughters that will raise alarm when thier teacher tries dares to touch them inappropriately, not one who raises "Free Seni" placards because they enjoy his nasty lingua. I will raise a woman whose only dream is not to just get married and start a family but to leave a mark on this earth. We aren't angry enough, but we should kindle that fire in all our daughters.
Dear lady, I do not know you, I don't pretend to know how it feels, but it is time to get angry and fight, because with or without the child it only gets worseif you don't stay strong, open up to your parents, get help, the truth surely does set you free, fuck society! Think about YOU, how are YOU feeling? Stop and think about YOUR health, YOURSELF, YOUR life, what this means for YOUR future, make informed decisions, not ones borne out of fear. We are women, we are a strong breed, we would go through the storm in Valentino Rock studs and come out unscathed.
Whatever you're going through, you are not alone, there are places where you can get help, google is your friend. Mirabel centre is one I'm quite familiar with, and there are others. Never wallow in self pity, when life deals you a blow that hard, know that it's time to fight. If you feel your ship has sailed, make sure to raise strong daughters.
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